I Do Not Deal Well With Humidity

This aforementioned lovely weekend turned out to be even more lovely and the perfect start to summer. I even made strawberry lemonade with chocolate mint from my boyfriend's garden and went to Far Rockaway Beach.

But as excited as I am for summer, I have to face the dank reality that a good chunk of it will be spent completely idle in front of the window unit. Summer in New York means two things: a ton of awesome shit to do, like free concerts and rooftop barbecues, and heat waves so foul you feel like you're living in a never-ending and rancid exhale.

I am from Colorado, where there is zero humidity to speak of and ninety degrees is not only tolerable but temporary: as soon as the sun goes down it cools down. In New York standing in the shade is as refreshing as bathing in a tub of sweat. My brow sweat alone could fill this hypothetical tub over the course of a day.

So to ward off the impending misery I made an etsy treasury full of heat-defying summer fun.

I for one am definitely getting myself a wooden fan, an idea I picked up in Paris, where the metro is not air-conditioned. It is also full of people who do not wear deoderant. I will take rats and crazy people over B.O. any day. Not that New York public transit is lacking in B.O., but believe me when I regretfully inform you that the stereotype of the French is true (at least in the summer).

Want: Building Block

 

This collection by Building Block is perfect. Too bad they are all sold out. Too bad I wouldn't have been able to afford them anyway.

New Stuff in the Shop + 10% Off Because LONG WEEKENDI

I'm really into decoupaging so I put some magazine scraps to use and decoupaged this framed mirror! Now you can look at your beautiful face and a beautiful mirror at the same time.

Found this vintage cat face ashtray and couldn't resist. This says tumblr all over it.

I painted a polka dot planter! If I had another succulent I would put it in this.

Then I ate some toast with apricot jam and homemade ricotta. Yummmm.

So far I'm having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend: tanned on the roof and drank coffee until I could no longer bear the humidity, scored some skirts at the Salvation Army, did some little projects for the etsy shop, and drank blood orange lemonade. Tonight I'm going to see The Babies in Williamsburg. I have no idea who they are but my friend has good taste in music so I gladly accompany her to random shows.

To make your weekend happy: use coupon code LongWeekend in the shop and get 10% off through Monday! Hooray!

Hey Bear Face

Just a preview of my etsy treasury in honor of all my bears. 

Want: Magpie & Rye

I'm really picky when it comes to jewelry, and even if I buy it I usually don't wear it. But there's some out there like these pieces from Magpie & Rye that I would wear everyday. At least until I lost them, which is inevitable.

Saying Goodbye to Bushwick

I am currently in the nightmarish process of moving, which in Brooklyn includes lying landlords and fourth floor walk-ups. After a month now of dealing with surprise bullshit every couple of days, finally all that's left is the physical moving of crap into our new apartment. Needless to say, I am stoked for summer.

This is my friend's apartment where I was supposed to be moving, until the asshole landlord decided not to let us move in for some unknown reason.

My boyfriend barbecuing on the roof last summer.

Thankfully however a summer of rooftop barbecues will now be a summer of backyard barbecues, because our new apartment has a beautiful backyard full of flower beds for my boyfriend's babies (a.k.a the more than a dozen vegetables growing in pots on our current roof) and not to mention an ARCH OF PINK ROSES. Expect pictures post-move-in, and lots of them.

For now I can definitely say I won't be missing our current place in Bushwick. The apartment itself is super nice, but the neighborhood is desolate. The closest restaurant is McDonald's a few blocks away. Our block consists of a junkyard and the abandoned Pfizer factory. I'm pretty sure the junkyard dog eats the stray cats because I hear them crying in fear in the middle of the night, probably after mistakenly chasing all the juicy rats into the junkyard.

Live poultry market in Bushwick

View of the abandoned Pfizer factory from my window

View from the bedroom window, with the Empire State building in the fog

Not that the neighborhood is completely bereft of charm in the broken-down building sort of way. We could even buy a chicken and watch them kill it for us if we so desired. The new apartment is much closer to bars (top priority) and other necessary amenities. It's technically in Bed-Stuy, but as with many of my decisions cheapness outweighs quality so we're willing to brave the possibility of muggings to pay $500/month in rent.

Assuming my safety is in no way threatened, I'm planning on taking a good chunk of the summer to focus entirely on the etsy shop, so expect new products and hopefully a much-needed make over for this hideous blog. More things to be excited about this summer!

TMI --or-- Coming Out to the Internet

After many years of being stubbornly weirded out about being public on the internet, I'm going to make up for lost time and establish my internet persona. And I figured what is more personal than sharing all the photos I take of myself when I'm alone with my macbook and its magical always-makes-me-look-good camera?

Let's start with a particularly long photobooth session for which I even did my hair and make up:

 This is me figuring out how to work the computer despite having done this a zillion times. 

 This is me drinking coffee.

 This is me looking sassy and sticking out my collar bone for that extra hotness factor. 

 This is me convincing myself how cute I am. 

 This is me convincing myself how hot I am (note the downward head tilt and skinny arm angle techniques).

 This is me finally getting bored of wasting my Saturday but not getting bored of looking at myself.

 

 This is me being bored at work.

 

This is me if I was possessed by a demon.

 This is me after my first experience with hair dying and finding out that lilac hair dye only lasts two days, while bleach lasts forever.

This is me after eating candy, which I do often.

  

 This is me if I was a mutant.

 This is me between fever dreams when I had the flu.

Wow, my first foray into the public realm of the internet! It's kind of a relief. As much as I cherish my anonymity, and although I will NEVER post a comment on youtube, I am officially (willingly) one of the millions of faces on the internet. I know you guys are all like um where were you when there was myspace, but consider me a late bloomer and these my equivalent of fifteen-year-old half-naked pics on 4chan.

For better or for worse, HERE IS MY FACE.

OKOK Calm Down

I made a treasury on etsy! For those of you not up-to-date on etsy terminology, it's basically a treasure box of fun things to buy that I collected together into a cohesive and convenient collage. This one is for all of my fellow crazies out there. Sometimes we need a little help to calm our anxieties, and these are some things to help you do just that.

This moleskine was basically made for me, not because I'm British, but because I am a compulsive list-maker. As in I often make multiple to-do lists a day and relish the weight lifted from my shoulders when I cross off "figure out how to pay state taxes" or "shower."

Not just a candle to light around your bubble bath, but an homage to Ernest Hemingway, who knew how to enjoy life with some good food and some good wine even when a lack of finances or a wife and child stood in the way.

Meet "Redhaird Spinster Trollop," because everyone could use a cuddly plush doll and drinking buddy. No more drinking alone!

This clock will not only help you get your life organized, but it will also take you back in time for those many occasions when there just aren't enough hours in the day! Or when you forget to take your medicaiton. 

Check out my treasury for more handmade and vintage miscellany to help you take off the edge. 

Grand Opening + Some Honesty

Well, I have succeeded in further delaying my admittance into the real world: my English degree and a year of nannying have inspired me to open an etsy shop. 

Yes, I am one of those artsy fucks whose passions include writing poetry and doing arts and crafts but never really accomplishing anything. I have no remarkable skills or relevant experience to put on a resume, so naturally my inclination was to apply to grad school. Seeing as I have yet to hear from them (I'm assuming the worst), I had to find some other way to appease the existential hounding.

Hence my etsy shop: a mini-version of a dream come true, a source of income not from a rich Manhattan family paying me to deal with their overly-coddled child, but from doing something I would be doing anyway.

So I ask you to humor me. I know I won't be making any reasonable amount to live on, nor will I probably sell anything except a necklace to my friend who so graciously wants to buy it. But damn if it doesn't ease the post-grad pressure to conform to society's notion of success.